The Kindness You Keep Forgetting: Why Self-Compassion Is the Most Strategic Thing You Can Do

RIE Solutions

6 days ago

5 min read

Let me ask you something honest.

When was the last time you were genuinely kind to yourself at work?

Not a spa day. Not a Friday afternoon finish. I mean actually kind. Patient with yourself when things went wrong. Forgiving when you dropped a ball. Generous with yourself the way you'd be with a colleague you actually liked.

For most people in your position - holding everything together, bridging the gap between the business owner and the team, managing the processes, the people, the pressures and the politics - the answer is probably "not recently."

And here's the thing: that's not a personal failing. It's a pattern. A deeply ingrained, professionally reinforced pattern that tells us being hard on ourselves is what makes us good at what we do.

It isn't. And I want to challenge that today.

The Myth of Productive Self-Criticism

We've been sold a story that high standards require harsh self-judgement. That the inner critic keeping you up at night, replaying the conversation you handled badly or the decision that didn't land - that voice is what makes you sharp. Effective. Professional.

But research in psychology consistently shows the opposite is true. Self-criticism under pressure doesn't drive better performance. It drives anxiety, avoidance, and eventually burnout.

What actually drives better performance? Self-compassion. The ability to acknowledge that something went wrong, sit with the discomfort of that, and move forward without turning it into a story about your worth as a professional.

That's not softness. That's strategy.

You're carrying more than you're admitting

Here's what I notice when I work with people in operational leadership roles: they're brilliant at supporting others and terrible at receiving the same.

You'll hold space for a team member having a hard time. You'll adjust your tone when the business owner is stressed. You'll pick up the slack when someone is struggling and not even think twice about it.

But when you're the one struggling? You push through. You minimise it. You tell yourself everyone else has it harder. You keep performing fine when you're absolutely not.

And the cost of that, over time, is enormous. Not just to you personally - to the quality of your work, your relationships, your decision-making, and ultimately your ability to keep showing up as the professional your organisation relies on.

Kindness isn't a luxury. It's part of the job.

What Self-Kindness Actually Looks Like in Practice

This is where we get practical. Because the theme of this year's Mental Health Awareness Week was Action - and self-kindness without action is just a nice idea.

So, what does it actually look like to practise kindness to yourself in a demanding, high-responsibility role?

It looks like catching the narrative. That internal monologue that says you should have handled that better, anticipated that problem sooner, managed that conversation more effectively. Notice when it starts. Name it. Ask yourself: is this actually true, or is this just pressure talking? Most of the time, it's pressure talking.

It looks like separating the decision from your worth. Something didn't work. A process failed. A hire didn't land. Those are events. They are not evidence about who you are as a professional. Treating them as data rather than verdicts changes everything about how you learn from them.

It looks like taking the small things seriously. The lunch break you keep skipping. The five minutes of quiet you keep sacrificing. The email you send at 10pm when it could genuinely wait until tomorrow. These aren't small things. They are the building blocks of either sustainability or burnout. Which one depends on the choices you make consistently, not occasionally.

It looks like asking for help without making it mean something. One of the bravest things you can do in your role is say "I don't know" or "I need support with this." It doesn't mean you're not capable. It means you're self-aware. And self-awareness is the foundation of every high performer I've ever worked with.

The Ripple Effect: Kindness to Others

Here's where it gets interesting. Because when you practise genuine self-kindness - not as a performance, but as a daily discipline - it changes the way you show up for everyone else.

You can't pour from an empty vessel. That's not a metaphor. It's physiology. When you're running on empty, pushing through on willpower alone, telling yourself just one more week - the quality of your presence, your patience, and your leadership all suffer.

But when you start giving yourself the same generosity you extend to others, something shifts. You become less reactive and more responsive. Less robotic calm and more genuinely steady. Less focused on getting through and more focused on actually showing up.

The teams and organisations that function best aren't led by people who never struggle. They're led by people who have learned to be honest about struggle, to ask for what they need, and to model that it's safe for others to do the same.

That's kindness as leadership. And it starts with you.

Action: Where Do You Start?

Mental Health Awareness Week this year was themed around Action. Not awareness. Not understanding. Action.

So, here's your action. Just one. Pick the one that feels most uncomfortable - that's usually the right one.

This week, catch yourself being unkind to yourself professionally and say out loud - even if just in your head - "I wouldn't say that to someone I respect." Then don't say it to yourself either.

Or take the lunch break. Not at your desk. Not while answering emails. Away from the screen, even for 15 minutes. Do it every day this week and notice what changes.

Or say to one person "I'm finding this hard at the moment." Just once. Not as a collapse. As honesty. See what happens.

Or write down three things you handled well this week before you write down the one thing you didn't. Start with the wins, not the gaps.

Small actions. Real change. That's the whole point.

The Bigger Picture

You chose a role that requires you to hold a lot. Bridge the gap. Manage the expectations. Keep the wheels turning. And you're good at it - genuinely good at it.

But doing this job well long term requires a foundation. And that foundation isn't discipline or drive or determination, though all of those matter. It's the basic belief that you are worth looking after. That your wellbeing is not a nice-to-have on the way to the next deadline. That the kindness you extend so readily to others is something you are also entitled to receive - even if the only person giving it is you.

Self-kindness isn't the opposite of high standards. It's what makes high standards sustainable.

And in a world that is asking more and more of the people who hold everything together, that's not just a personal matter.

It's a professional one.

Cheers to showing up with kindness - for your team, your organisation, and most importantly, yourself.

About the Author

This guest blog was written by our guest author, Nick Elston who is an award-winning mental health speaker, transformational speaking coach, and founder of Forging People. Drawing from his lived experience of anxiety, burnout and breakdown within high-pressure environments, Nick delivers impactful sessions, coaches professionals to find their voice and communicate with confidence, and writes for leading industry publications on resilience, burnout, and the human cost of modern work. His work helps professionals move beyond surface-level wellbeing and into meaningful, sustainable change.

Find out more at www.nickelston.com or connect with https://www.linkedin.com/in/nickelston/.